


(No) Good in Goodbye

by FrisianWanderer



Series: Fic Week (1): What's done in love... [6]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-06-03
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:31:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6874147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrisianWanderer/pseuds/FrisianWanderer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Bellamy’s relationship ended in a hard and painful breakup. Clarke believes it was for the best and that she’s over him, but then their paths unexpectedly cross and it reminds her of what she has lost.</p><p>But maybe not all is lost?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Day 6, only one to go, but first - this one! :D
> 
> Hope you like, all mistakes are my own.

Clarke’s walking down the street with Wells, his hand on her lower back, when she hears something she hasn’t in the last three years. And yet, she recognises the sound immediately. It’s a laugh, from a _certain someone_. The laugh is loud, warm, full with love and mischief and it sounds so _happy_.

_Bellamy._

It’s so different from the last time Clarke saw him. Angry tears in his brown eyes, the door slamming behind him and his parting words _‘I never want to see you again!’_ filling the air around her and leaving her broken.

Clarke turns her head slightly, her curiosity overruling her rational side that’s questioning if it’s a wise decision to take a peek at Bellamy.

He looks just like she remembers, only older. Curls still tousled and as dark as ink, skin still tanned and glowing, shoulders still broad and strong. Clarke wonders what he’s doing in town, the last she heard, he packed his bags and moved away.

Bellamy’s walking next to a gorgeous brunette and Clarke recognises her immediately. It’s Echo, his ex, the one they constantly fought about. Apparently she’s not his ex any longer, judging by the way they’re smiling at each other and the one-year old boy Bellamy’s carrying. The boy, his son, looks a lot like him. Beautiful olive-toned skin and hair just as dark as his dad’s. Clarke knew that Bellamy wanted to have kids of his own someday, but she’s surprised it’s already someday. He was always very vocal about getting his PhD first and he’s only 25 now.

But Bellamy looks good – happy and carefree. Time’s been sweet to him and Clarke’s happy about that. He deserves happiness, and everything else she failed to give him.

When they broke up she was devastated, but she knew it was for the right reasons. They were both busy with school, he was starting with his Master’s Degree and Clarke was going to be a senior in college. They also had a lot of issues they couldn’t work through. Clarke didn’t trust him with other girls (especially Echo) and Bellamy always kept her at arm’s length, afraid she was going to cut and run, just like she’d done in her previous relationships.

It took Clarke a while to get over him and she’d been afraid that life would punish her for breaking Bellamy’s heart. But she’d broken her own as well, so life had been kind enough to have mercy on her. Sometimes, Clarke still misses him. Their relationship wasn’t all bad, it had harboured a lot of good, a lot of love, as well.

But seeing Bellamy now, she realises that sometimes there is good in goodbye. He has a family now, a beautiful son, and she has a job she loves and is an up and coming artist. Clarke’s really successful in her field and she just started dating Wells, her oldest friend.

Life’s been good, but seeing Bellamy hits her like a ton of bricks.

Memories of the two of them together – laughing, going on dates, having amazing sex, making dinner and breakfast together, talking until the sun comes up – all flash through her mind. But also the fights, the jealousy, the slamming doors, the tears and the unavoidable breakup, fill her thoughts.

Feelings of longing, a little jealousy about him starting a family with someone else, and sadness that she had to miss him for the last three years, start within her, but are all being suppressed.

 _There’s good in goodbye_ , she repeats to herself. _We’re both better off without the other._

Before Bellamy notices Clarke from the other side of the street, she and Wells enter the shoe store her boyfriend needs a new pair of shoes from.

 

 **––** ⭐⭐⭐ **––**

 

Wells leaves after dinner and she’s secretly relieved, she needs a moment to herself. They say goodbye with a kiss, just like every time. And just like every time it lacks the heat and passion she felt when she kissed Bellamy. _That’s a good thing_ , Clarke reminds herself, _because that’s what destroyed you two_.

Clarke takes a shower and puts on her pyjama’s, unable to shake her thoughts of Bellamy. Seeing him brought the questions back that had plagued her for almost two years after the break up. _What if we hadn’t broken up? What if we had worked things out? Would we still be together now? Would we be happy? What if he was The One?_

In a moment of weakness, Clarke finds herself in front of her closet, pushing back old sweaters that hide a shoebox containing old memories. Old memories of Bellamy.

Clarke had been so strong, she hadn’t opened the box in almost a year, but the urge to look at the souvenirs of her relationship with Bellamy is too strong now. According to Raven it had been very unhealthy to keep the items and her friend had advised her to throw all of the stuff away, to burn the box and its contents, but Clarke never had the heart to do so.

Taking off the lid, Clarke’s eyes wander over the small objects. She grabs the photos first and looks at them. The first picture is one of the two of them at Octavia’s 18th birthday party, she’s sitting on Bellamy’s lap and both of them are holding a beer, all smiles and happiness. The second one is a selfie of the two of them while they’re out on a hike. Bellamy is kissing Clarke’s cheek and she smiles brightly into the camera. The last photo is a picture taken by his sister when they’d build a snowman during Christmas break. Bellamy and Clarke both have an arm around the snowman and Bellamy’s grinning happily, his wet curls sticking onto his forehead. Clarke’s smiling just as broadly, cheeks red because of the cold.

Clarke puts the photos back into the old shoebox and carefully takes out the lighter he left at her place, but never got back. She was planning to give it back to him, use it as an excuse to go see him again, but after the way they left things _(‘I never want to see you again!’_ ), she’d kept it. Clarke wanted to hold onto this last piece of him.

She finds out that the lighter still works.

The next thing that Clarke brings out into the light is a scrap of paper.

It’s a small note Bellamy left her once, that she put into her wallet for safekeeping, before they ended things and the note ended up in the shoebox. She can’t even remember exactly when he’d left her the note in their year long relationship, only that it had brought her so much joy.

Now it brings her pain and regret.

   
---  
  
 

 

  _Princess,_

_You looked so peaceful asleep_

_(so different from when you’re awake :P),_

_I didn’t want to wake you._

_I’ll see you tonight at the bar._

_I love you,_

_B_ ♡

 

He even scribbled a tiny heart next to his name.

The last item is a silver necklace Clarke got from Bellamy for her birthday. On the chain hangs a pendent, a small silver lotus, and it’s gorgeous. She hasn’t worn it since Bellamy walked out of her life and she knows she’ll never wear it again, but she’ll never throw it away either. The beautiful silver lotus is doomed to collect dust forever.

Eventually all the tokens go back into the shoebox and the box goes back to hiding in its secret spot.

Clarke’s very busy reminding herself that next to all those good memories, there are bad ones as well.

She remembers exactly why she has an incomplete set of plates (she threw one at the wall in a fit of rage when they were fighting about Echo), why the both of them are banned from one of the local movie theatres (Bellamy got into a huge fight with Clarke about her commitment issues when she told him she wasn’t ready to meet his mother. When one of the employees kindly asked them to tone it down, Bellamy yelled at him to _‘Mind your own fucking business!’_ ) and why cookie dough ice-cream still makes her sick – it was her comfort food after the breakup and she practically lived on it for two months.

Now the treat reminds Clarke of heartbreak and the breakup with Bellamy, and that’s a needless reminder she wants to live without.

Seeing Bellamy and going down memory lane has left her so exhausted, that she’s too tired to stop her tears from falling.

Clarke falls asleep with the thought that it was for the best. They’re both so happy now..

 

* * *

 

 

Wells comes over a couple of days later, asking her if she has time to talk. She hasn’t seen him since they had dinner at her place, but she knows what it’s about and she agrees.

‘I saw the look in your eyes when you saw Bellamy on the street the other day’ Wells begins, when they sit down on her couch. Clarke’s eyes widen at his confession, she’d expected something else, before her gaze drops to her lap in shame. She didn’t know he’d seen Bellamy too or noticed Clarke staring at her ex-boyfriend.

Clarke hides her face in the palms of her hands before she speaks. ‘I’m sorry..’ she whispers.

‘Hey’ Wells softly squeezes her shoulder to get her attention and when she looks up at him, he gives her a gentle smile. ‘To be honest, I knew you weren’t over him – even if you keep denying it’ he quickly adds, when Clarke opens her mouth to object. ‘And the thing is, it doesn’t bother me that you aren’t over him. At least not in the way I should be, as your boyfriend. It bothers me as your friend, because you still want to be with Bellamy, but you’re not doing anything about it. I love you Clarke, but not in the way I’m supposed to’

‘I know..’ she sighs.

‘And I don’t think you love me like that either’ he adds and she shakes her head, before apologising again. ‘It’s not your fault, or mine, we just don’t belong together’ Wells pauses for a second before he continues. ‘We both hoped we’d work because we’ve known each other for forever and we got pushed into this by of our parents, but it’s just not working. We don’t have that magic that I had with Anya or that you had with Bellamy’

‘Bellamy and I did _not_ have something magical’ Clarke protests, laughing a humourless laugh.

‘You did’ Wells sighs and he sounds disappointed. ‘But you were both too stubborn and too proud to admit it and apologise..’

‘It doesn’t matter now Wells. You saw him too’ Clarke says sorrowful. ‘Bellamy’s over me, he has a kid with Echo.. He’s happy and I’m not going to screw that up because I’m an idiot. I refuse to be a homewrecker, Wells’

Wells soothingly rubs her back. ‘He loved you Clarke, everyone could see it, even from ten miles away. If he’s found happiness after you, you’ll find it too’

‘You think so?’ she asks in a hopeful voice.

‘I know so’ he assures her with a smile and he gives her a hug.

 

* * *

 

 

Nothing changes between Wells and Clarke. They go back to how they were before they started dating – best friends, as thick as thieves. Their parents are incredibly disappointed. They really were counting on being one big family soon, joined by a marriage between Wells and Clarke. But the two in question are relieved. Happy that they’re just friends again.

Clarke realises it’s time to move on completely from Bellamy. She acknowledges that a part of her still held hope that, one day, they’d get back together. Now she’s trying to abandon that hope, by working hard at the graphic design bureau she works at, focussing on her own art, spending time with her friends and going on a date every now and then.

Clarke really is trying the best she can, but all of that doesn’t prepare her for when she bumps into Bellamy himself.

Clarke’s at the store, doing some last minute shopping, when she notices someone out of the corner of her eye stopping in their tracks. It catches her attention and she turns around. She’s caught off guard when she sees who it is and her breath hitches in her throat.  

_Bellamy._

He looks amazing, in his Legend of Zelda shirt, glasses and sweatpants, holding a shopping basket that seems to be filled with pasta ingredients.

Bellamy seems just as shocked as she feels, and Clarke notices his knuckles whiten around the handle of his basket. ‘Princess..’ he breathes. He surprises himself by saying it, if the colour draining from his face is an indication.

Before Clarke can open her mouth, he turns around and leaves her standing in the snack aisle.

Wells' words rush back to her. _‘You had something magical, but you were both too stubborn and too proud to admit it and apologise..’_

Watching Bellamy leave, again, makes her realise that Wells was right. Bellamy brought her the greatest happiness she’d ever felt and she let him walk out of that door. Even if she’s lost her chance, she needs him to know how sorry she is.

‘I’m sorry for-’ she sobs, when she comes back from the shock, but he’s already gone.

She’s too late.

Again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did you feel about the story and its ending? Should I write a hea or leave it like this?
> 
> Let's befriend each other on tumblr, I'm [fieldsofpoppyflowers](http://fieldsofpoppyflowers.tumblr.com/)! :D
> 
> And thanks so much for giving kudos and comments - I love it and appreciate it soooo much (especially the comments♡)! :D xx


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this one took a while, my muse kept me at bay, so I'm really nervous about this one... 
> 
> Hope you enjoy, all mistakes are mine. :)

_‘Why were you with her?!’ Clarke screamed, having passed the point of sanity a while back. But she couldn’t help it. It was her greatest fear, her greatest weakness. ‘Are you cheating on me?’_

_‘Are you serious right now Clarke?!’ Bellamy looked both shocked and about to burst out in laughter, and it angered her even more. Clarke could already feel the angry tears start to form in her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away._

_‘Yes’_

_‘Jesus Clarke!’_

_‘Then why did I have to hear it from_ Raven _?! Why didn’t you tell me yourself, huh?!’_

_‘I ran into her on the street’ Bellamy said incredulous._

_‘That’s not a no!’ Clarke insisted, still glaring. She knew she was being unfair and irrational, but her emotions were all over the place. Clarke was so angry, she wanted to hurt him just like he’d hurt her. Even if he hadn’t done anything to deserve her wrath._ Yet _. Clarke had been burned before, and it had scared her. Scared that Bellamy would hurt her just like Finn had, but if Bellamy would, she wouldn’t be strong enough to overcome that pain._

_‘Jesus Clarke!’ Bellamy yelled. ‘I ran into her on the fucking street! I’m not fucking her behind your back!_

_‘Do you want to?!’_

_‘Why do you always bring Echo into our relationship?’_

_‘Because you never deny it!’ she lied, of course he had._

_‘Do you even want to be with me?’ he asked, his voice laced with venom, after a beat of silence. Clarke could see the resentment and fear start to form in his walnut brown eyes._

_‘Do_ you _even want to be with_ me _?’ she threw back, yelling._

_He looked at her like she was insane. ‘Not if you don’t trust me and keep poisoning what we have with your ridiculous issues!’_

_‘_ My _ridiculous issues?!’ she yelled. ‘_ You’re _the one with a clingy ex and the trust issues!’_

 _Bellamy let out a long, humourless laugh. ‘_ Trust issues _?! You’re the one with the trust issues,_ Princess _’_ _It’s the way he said it, that made her heart ache. Not as the endearment it had been since a couple of years, but as the insult it once was after they first met. It hurt. So she lashed out._

 _‘Really? Because I can’t go fucking anywhere without you tagging along and breathing down my neck! You don’t even trust me to go to the fucking store on my own! Your fears are suffocating me and I can’t fucking_ breathe _because of_ you _!’_

_Bellamy looked at Clarke like she’d slapped him. She reasoned that would’ve been better than saying that his presence suffocated her. Bellamy balled his hands into trembling fists and send poisoned daggers to her with his eyes. ‘I should’ve never done this with you. I always knew you were a scared little princess trying to use people—‘_

_‘Get out!’ she yelled, and that took him by surprise. This wasn’t the first fight they’d had, but it would be the first one to end like this one just had. With one of them yelling at the other to leave, indicating they were done. That they’d reached the point of no return and that it was over. ‘Get. Out’ Clarke repeated, absolutely fuming._

_‘If I leave now, I’m not coming back’ he warned._

_‘I’m counting on it’ she bit._

_They returned to their little staring contest, silently glaring at each other for a moment. Bellamy was waiting for her to take back her words, but she wasn’t backing down. Neither was he. Pride would be their downfall. ‘This was a mistake._ You’re _a mistake.. I’m so done’ he said, before turning around._

 _‘Good! I am too!’ she screamed._ Don’t say it- _‘I can already feel the oxygen returning to my lungs!’_

_Bellamy looked back at her when he’d opened the door. She could see the tears in his eyes. ‘I never want to see you again!’ he spit before he slammed the door behind him._

_The air around Clarke was filled with his parting words and the sound of the slamming door._ Oh my God, what the fuck just happened?

 _Bellamy’s absence brought something that was too silent, and the only thing that broke it, was Clarke’s loud, irregular breathing pattern and her wild beating heart. The heart that was slowly breaking. ‘Bellamy..’ his name left her lips as a whisper, as a prayer._ What have I done?

_Clarke just stared at her door, praying he’d come back, praying her feet would start working again, her eyesight blurry because of the tears that had started falling. Her trembling knees failed her and she collapsed on the floor in a sobbing mess. He never came back and that was expected._

O God, O God, O God.. What have I done?

 

* * *

 

 

‘Bellamy..’ Clarke whispers softly and her feet start moving on their own account. She’s practically running through the store to catch up with him, momentarily forgetting the basket full with groceries in her hands, which, obviously, doesn’t go unnoticed by the store’s employees.

‘Miss!’ Clarke hears someone saying multiple times, but the words are lost on her, until a firm grip around her arm stops her from chasing Bellamy down the street. ‘I need you to pay for those groceries, Miss’

It takes Clarke a second for her to realise what the girl is saying, her thoughts still full of Bellamy. ‘Of course’ she breaths, after emptying her head of her ex. She apologises and walks to the cash register to pay. As she hands the cashier the money to pay for her wine and cheese, she promises herself that the next time she sees Bellamy, she’ll make use of the opportunity and tell him what he deserves to hear.

Clarke also promises to herself that there _will_ be a next time.

 

–– ⭐⭐⭐ ––

 

‘Babe I need to tell you something’ Raven says, all seriousness. Concern is swimming in her brown eyes. There’s something about Raven’s body language; the tense shoulders, lips in a firm line, the look in her eyes, that worries Clarke. Something is wrong. Clarke sits a little straighter, unconsciously bracing herself for the blow she’s afraid she’ll receive. She looks expectantly at Raven and Raven continues. ‘Bellamy is back in town’

A beat of silence follows and Raven looks prepared for the emotional outburst she expects from Clarke. ‘I know’ Clarke exhales, calmly.

It’s the one answer Raven didn’t expect. ‘ _What_? How?’

‘I saw him a couple of days before the breakup with Wells. And I ran into Bellamy at the store today’ she admits.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ Raven demands, shocked.

‘I was trying to deal with it’ Clarke says quietly and she fills their wineglasses with the wine she purchased that afternoon. ‘He looked good. Happy. So that’s— _good_ ’ Clarke concludes, nodding to herself. ‘He got back together with Echo. They have a—‘ her voice trembles for a moment. ‘a— _son_ ’

Raven looks like she’s about to fall of her chair in surprise. ‘ _He has a kid_?!’ she shouts. ‘Holy crap!’

‘Yes..’ Clarke confirms, before drinking half of her glass.

‘Holy crap..’ Raven repeats.

‘How did you know he’s back?’ Clarke asks tentatively.

Raven swallows a gulp of wine and Clarke finishes hers. ‘Saw him at a bar. We both pretended we didn’t see each other’ her friend answers.

Clarke doesn’t know what to say, so she just nods and refills her wineglass.

‘How are you dealing with this?’ Raven asks.

She shrugs. ‘Trying to. Don't really know how, so I just keep moving forward’ she confesses with a weak smile, before her gaze drops to her wineglass. ‘I’m glad he’s happy though. Gives me hope I can find that too one day’ she takes another gulp.

‘Babe, you’re awesome. You will’ Raven assures her with a smile.

‘I do want to talk to him though’ Clarke says. ‘Tell him I’m sorry for what I said. He deserves to know it were all lies drenched in bullshit..’

‘You sure?’ Raven asks and when Clarke nods, the brunette continues. ‘Because you know I can figure out in two seconds where the guy lives’

 

* * *

 

 

A week of contemplating follows, before Clarke finds herself knocking on Bellamy’s door. Her heart is beating wildly in her chest and her palms are sweaty. Doubt creeps in, where certainty lived a moment ago. Maybe she shouldn’t have gone to him, Bellamy probably doesn’t want to see her. Maybe she should’ve just send him the letter she wrote instead. Even if Bellamy didn’t slam the door in her face, he probably has a million better things to do than to hear her belated apology..

Before she can talk herself out of it and just drop the letter off that’s safely in her purse, he has opened the door.

Bellamy’s standing right in front of her. All toned muscles, freckles and unruly curls. And if she would ever doubt if it actually was him, the glasses are a dead giveaway. _Damn, that Echo is a lucky girl…_

‘Hi’ she whispers. Bellamy just looks at her, frozen in shock, she can’t even tell for sure if he’s breathing.

‘What are you doing here?’ he asks, calm, collected. Clarke’s sweating like a pig and he only seems surprised. But she counts her blessings; he hasn’t slammed the door in her face yet or told her to fuck off.

‘To tell you that I’m sorry’ she answers.

He just stares at her and it makes her feel uncomfortable. Bellamy always had the ability to read her like an open book and it seems like he hasn’t lost that skill. ‘Want to come in?’ he asks, but he seems a little unsure about actually wanting her in his home.

So, she gives him a way out. ‘Only if you have the time’

Bellamy nods once and steps aside so she can come in.

He doesn’t offer her something to drink and she doesn’t ask for a water; it’s supposed to be a short visit. Clarke sits down at the kitchen table and Bellamy does too. He folds his hands on the table and stays silent, except for the sound his tapping foot makes; it’s his nervous habit, she knows.

Clarke blurts out what she’s kept inside for three years, if only to end the uncomfortable silence. ‘You were right..’ she begins, in a soft tone. Fingers playing with the tassels on her scarf. ‘I was scared. I was scared that you would cheat on me or leave me, just like Lexa had. I didn’t know how to deal with that fear, so I didn’t, and I took it out on you. And I’m sorry, for everything. For what I said and how I behaved.. You didn’t deserve that..’ she wipes a tear off her cheek, eyes still on her hands, before she makes herself look Bellamy in his eyes. ‘I need you to know that I loved you, _so_ much, and that I didn’t mean it when I said that you suffocated me.. I’m so sorry, Bellamy..’

Bellamy looks away and gulps. ‘Why are you telling me this now?’ his voice is a little hoarse, and he coughs to regain his normal tone.

‘Because you deserve to know that you were loved and I was a liar… I know it’s selfish to tell you _now_ , to drag you back into our last memory, when you’re finally happy. And I’m happy that you’re happy, but I need to move on now..’ a second and a third tear escape her and this time she lets them fall. ‘Our breakup was really rough for me and—‘

‘You think it wasn’t for me?!’ he blurts out angrily. There are so many emotions swimming in his brown eyes, that it overwhelms her. Anger, disbelieve, pain; to name a few. ‘You don’t know shit about our breakup! I was fucking depressed Clarke; I was absolutely wrecked. I almost dropped out of school..’ his hands travel through his curls, leaving them even more dishevelled than normal, and Clarke’s finger itch with the need to comb them. ‘Not that you would know, you dropped from the face of the earth after we ended things..’

‘I wanted to see you, _so bad_ , but I knew you didn’t want to see me and—‘

‘I did’ he whispers, fingers drumming on the table.

Clarke just nods. ‘And yeah, I kinda stopped with the whole social network thing. Didn’t feel the need to see you live it up at Polaris U-‘

‘I didn’t’ he cuts her off, again.

‘Me neither..’ she admits. ‘But I’m glad that you found someone, that you healed’ she tries to smile. ‘Proved to me I can too’

Sadness turns into confusion on his face. ‘What?’

‘Echo’ she says, cheeks filling with heat and colour. ‘I- I saw you with her and your son on the street a couple of weeks ago. He looks adorable’

Realisation seems to dawn on him and he shakes his head. ‘Not my son. My _nephew_ ’

‘Oh…’ she breaths, hating how relieved she feels. ‘I just assumed the three of you were a family. He looks like you’

Bellamy smiles, and it actually reaches his eyes. ‘He has my hair. And my love for books’ he tells proudly, and the obvious love he feels for his nephew makes Clarke smile as well. This one does reach her eyes.

Clarke wants to make a joke about his little nephew being a nerd just like his uncle, but they aren’t those kind of friends anymore. And they never will be again. ‘I should go’ she says and she gets up.

‘No!’ he says abruptly and he quickly gets up as well. ‘Wait, please.. I need to apologise as well. You weren’t the only one who said shit that night that wasn’t true. I was afraid as well, that you were going to cut and run, just like you had with Niylah.. But you were never a mistake Clarke. Never’ he promises. ‘I’m sorry I said that..’

‘We both said and did a lot of shitty things’ Clarke whispers, fingers tightening around the strap of her purse.

Bellamy looks at her and she sees her own feeling reflected in his eyes. Regret, exhaustion, maybe even a little longing. ‘But what I regret the most’ he whispers after a moment of silence. ‘is not turning around when I walked to my car..’

‘I know. I should’ve gone after you, I wanted to, I just…’ she trails off.

‘I know’ he says and of course he does. They’re cut from the same cloth and he knows her. She doesn’t have to finish her sentences for him to know how they would end.

‘I should go’ she says again, and he stops her, again.

‘I don’t know why you think I’ve moved on, because I haven’t, but I’m trying too as well. But before you go,’ he gulps, ‘I need to know something before I can let you go forever. Do you regret us?’

‘Never’

‘And us ending?’ he asks, nervously balling up his hand.

She has nothing to gain by lying and she has nothing to lose by being honest. ‘For three years. And probably for a long time to come..’

Without warning, Bellamy closes the distance between them, cups her face with his hands and plants his lips on hers. Clarke wraps her arms around his middle and pulls him against her before she kisses him back. He tastes just like she remembers, like coffee and salt, and his scent hasn’t changed either. Musky and manly and just – Bellamy. So, _Bellamy_. Loyalty and love and home; he embodies that all to her. Still.  

Clarke pulls back when an image of the doe-eyed beauty comes to mind. ‘Aren’t you dating Echo?’ she whispers, staring into his eyes, so he can’t hide his answer.

‘No’ and it’s not just an answer, it’s also a promise. A promise that he has no intention of doing so ever again. ‘I don’t know what you saw, but Echo and I are only acquaintances. I bumped into her on the street when I was out with Lucas. That’s all’ He looked at her and his throat bobbed as he swallowed. ‘What about you? Are you seeing someone?’

Clarke shakes her head and makes him the same promise. ‘No’ and she takes his lips in his again.

Bellamy swiftly lifts her onto his countertop and she pulls off his shirt with his help. He dumps his shirt on the counter next to her, now covering his glasses.

That’s when she sees it, on the right side of his chest; a tattoo. It’s a lotus flower, in black and white, incredibly detailed and looking very delicate. It reminds Clarke of the necklace he gave her. Bellamy watches Clarke take in his tattoo, and when her fingers softly stroke the art in his skin, he’s unable to suppress a shiver. ‘It’s beautiful’ she whispers, impressed.

‘Thank you’ he says. ‘Lincoln, O’s boyfriend, is a tattoo artist. It really was quite the bonding exercise’ he jokes and Clarke laughs, before looking up at him again.

His body cages her and she hasn’t felt this safe in a long time. ‘Why a lotus flower, though?’ she asks, and the look in his eyes becomes very vulnerable.

He’s unable to hold her gaze when he answers, and his eyes go to the wall behind her. ‘It’s symbolic. The lotus flower means a lot to a lot of different people, but to me it means overcoming difficulties and pain. With some therapy, it gave me the strength to overcome my depression’ he admits and Clarke’s breath hitches in her throat. ‘ _We overcome darkness and radiate beauty_ ’ he quotes. ‘And it reminded me of the love you and I shared..’ he whispers.

‘The necklace’ Clarke whispers and he nods, before continuing.

‘It reminded me that there’s not only misery in the world. It’s the one thing I want to teach Lucas, my nephew. He deserves to grow up knowing that as well’

Clarke’s cheeks are soaking wet. She puts her head on his chest, before pulling him close and kissing his neck. His arms hold her tightly as well and they silently stay like that for a long moment. They eventually start talking again, about how they want to be together, but how there are still things they need to work on before they can be happily together again. But they can work on those things together, and they decide to take things slow.

Bellamy makes them some spaghetti and during dinner he tells Clarke about Lucas and shows her pictures of the little guy. Clarke tells him about her job and tells Bellamy about her art that’s hanging in a gallery downtown.

They eat, they laugh, they kiss. Clarke hasn’t felt this light since that night three years ago. They watch a movie, until Clarke falls asleep on Bellamy’s chest. She wakes up around 4am, in his bed, Bellamy’s arms and scent around her and she smiles.

Clarke knows there’s still a long road ahead of them, but she’s happy that they’re about to walk those miles. They’ll overcome the darkness and radiate beauty.

Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I said, kind of nervous about this part, but I hope you'll still let me know what you think/how you feel :) Honest feedback is always welcome, especially in kudos and comment form! :D 
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr, I'm [fieldsofpoppyflowers](http://fieldsofpoppyflowers.tumblr.com/) ! :) xx


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